Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle

Before this was released nationwide, I, personally, had some trepidations about how this would transition from a movie about a board game come to life to something that the future generations would relate to since everyone has their noses buried deep in their phones.  Robin Williams, of course, wouldn’t be a part of this reboot, and the humor has been shifted to more mature themes.  Still, we’re talking about high schoolers who have to deal with some very dangerous situations.  Although you may not recognize some of the actors, if I told you that “the girl” is Nebula from Guardians of the Galaxy I and II and Amy from Doctor Who, does that help?  Nice to see her, Karen Gillan, not bald and with much less make-up.  Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Kevin Hart, and Jack Black round out the players and we have some references to Alan Parrish (rest in peace Robin), VanPelt, and instead of moving around the board, well, you’ll just have to check it out.  There are some elements that seem a bit reminiscent of The Hunger Games, but with a lot more tongue-in-cheekiness.  If I was a game designer and you told me this is what you wanted the results to be, I could totally understand that, but I’d also give the characters a chance to start over, different ways to get from point A to point B and so on and so on.  Overall, much, much, much better than I could have imagined and, although I’m not huge Guns and Roses fan, Axl Rose singing Welcome To The Jungle is the perfect cherry on top of this exploding cake of a film.  Rating:  hippos and jaguars and crocodiles, oh my, pecs that could crush walnuts, a mix tape of songs of the ‘90’s—best line ever…why am I not Instagramming this right now?  (3.88 stars)

Thor: Ragnarok

Trying to figure out how to write a review that encompasses the film Thor:  Ragnarok as a drinking game.  Key words:  Loki, Asgaard (or a reasonable facsimile of), Son of Odin, Thor, God of Thunder (or a reasonable facsimile of)/Hela, Goddess of Death, and Hulk Smash, Valkyrie, Grandmaster, and Melty Stick.  Everything works and sets the ground work for the next episode…these are plain and simple comic books come to life.  There’s snarky dialogue, over the top fights, sparks fly and depending on how you look at it, that’s a good thing.  If I had to pick my favorite Marvel Comics hero, my Norwegian ancestry points me in the direction of Thor Odinson, God of Thunder.  Chris Hemsworth is the ideal choice.  He’s epitomizes the Norse god to a “T”, hair, bod for battle, non-descript age, beyond belief chutzpah, only thing that’s always seemed funny to me is the accents.  None are even close to Scandinavian or even hint in that direction, but that’s just me…I was the same way with the How to Train Your Dragon films.  This is the most un-bloody (except for a spontaneous bit with the Grandmaster involving his cousin) fun, gotta kill them all film that kept me entertained pretty much throughout.  At the very least it was good enough to make me want to see it more than once or twice and learn all the lines, which, after about a dozen more times, I’ll be able to quote similar to Rocky Horror, unless, of course, the drinking game is pursued and I’ll get as smashed as Valkyrie.  Also, keep an eye out for Matt Damon, who makes a cameo and it’s really funny (but only if you’ve seen the film Dogma).  The soundtrack kicks butt, just like this unlikely group of heroes.  Rating:  an everlasting fire, holograms for days, not “get help” again, where’d you get that haircut? aka 3.87 stars

The Shape of Water

Water seems to be a major part of my life lately…can’t seem to escape dealing with it in one form or another, whether it’s a bill, a tenant’s concerns, or in this case a Merman and a mute cleaning woman in 1962 Baltimore.  The war is cold, prejudices are plainly clear…better dead than Red.  If it’s different, definitely kill it and take it apart, but don’t keep an open mind or by God you’ll end up growing a tail.  It is and it isn’t easy to pigeonhole this love story/science fiction double feature, Doctor X has discovered (not built) a creature.  Beautifully filmed, scored, and written to help you root for the good guys, which, if you look at this from the standpoint of the military/politicos, it’s sort of like the last year and two months in the same general vicinity as Baltimore.  So, my suggestion would be, watch The Creature From The Black Lagoon (it was the inspiration for Guillermo del Toro’s screenplay) and be prepared because this is the R rated version and the monster is not who you think.  No matter who wins the Oscar for any of this film’s 13 nominations, they’re all well-deserved and personally, I’d say Michael Shannon and Doug Jones were robbed.  Both give A+ performances.  Rating:  don’t play with the kitties, hard or softboiled?, what a bloody mess, we get along swimmingly (4 starfish)

Lady Bird

Girls at 16 are pretty much walking, talking balls of hormones; likewise, boys of the same age.  Here we have Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson who attends a Catholic girls school, says she’s from the wrong side of the tracks, and is aching to break free from Sacramento as soon and as far away as possible.  Been there (Seattle), done that (moved to San Diego), except for the Catholic school up-bringing.  Unfortunately, Lady Bird is not rich, a genius, nor are her parents, which limits her options for getting out of Dodge and attending an Ivy League school.  She’s sort of stumbling through her senior year.  New relationships in her life are teetering on experimental as she plots her way to something that will fulfill her magazine fantasies.  Lady Bird’s mother is stuck between a rock and hard place with how to deal with her which is sort of surprising because the apple really hasn’t fallen far from the tree.  I’m not a mother, but I am a daughter, and have first-hand knowledge of how this works.  First, you put your fingers in your ears, close your eyes, and make mistake after mistake blaming it on your circumstances and your lack of participation, rather than your choices which, if you listened to your mother, might have worked out differently because your mother, like it or not, has probably experienced exactly what you’re dealing with emotionally many, many years before you were even an idea.  Funny how that works.  Anyway, this is Greta Gerwig’s directorial debut and it’s a doozy.  Saoirse Ronan and Laura Metcalf are stellar as daughter and mother, with a supporting cast that compliments their emotional tug o’war to a tee.  Rating:  (4 hail Mary's) a container of non-consecrated wafers, a pack of clove cigarettes, best prom ever, and a trip or two to the thrift store .

Blade Runner 2049

So it’s 30 years in the future from what was supposed to be one year from now (2019), but the original film based on Philip K. Dick’s short story, “Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?” was filmed in 1982 based on a post-apocalyptic world in 1992, and, if that doesn’t confuse you enough, the story was published in 1968.  There has been so much talk about A.I. in the last few months, this story is getting scarily more plausible.  We now have Siri, Cortana, Alexa, and probably, HAL, in the international space station.  Machines that talk to me make me uncomfortable.  I don’t want one of those little talking boxes, that can possibly monitor my every waking moment, in my house.  I live alone and some disembodied voice responding to what it thinks I’m talking to creeps me out, totally.  I use the internet probably just as much as the average person, but I’m a human being and I have a limited shelf life of, oh, I don’t know, 5 seconds to 100 years, depending on so many factors it hurts my organic brain.  So, what does this have to do with this much overdue sequel to what most of the men in my life have claimed to be “the best science fiction film, ever”?  Actually, it has everything to do with the first film.  Do you want to know what happened to Decker and Rachel?  Do you want to know if Decker was human or replicant?  Did Rachel have a “shelf life”?  When replicants are threatened, do they “blow a fuse” and that’s why they react so violently?  Why don’t humans realize that you can destroy something that’s trying to kill you, but that something can also be rebuilt and upgraded.  When am I going to get a flying car?  Is this a fantasy or is it the real thing?  Are we just an experiment that worked really well and every generation is a new version?  Why is Ryan Gosling so effing wonderful as “Joe”?  I think I liked him in this film more than I did in La-La Land, but that’s just me.  So many existential questions…to find out the answers to these and many more…survey sez…check it out.  Rating: 3.68 stars  Sweet dreams are made of cheese…

Dunkirk

Wars are difficult for me to write about.  I see no good reason for them.  I also know that in today’s world, visual reenactments of major conflicts are probably the only way to teach massive amounts of the public, history.  If you haven’t lived it, been exposed to it through schooling, and learned from these experiences, you’re bound to make the same mistakes, and believe me, war is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make. 

WWII is filled with stories of heroism, tragedy, incredible battles, bombs, guns, death, decadence, lack of hope, and despair.  It pretty much ran the whole gamut of situations one could find one’s self in both in Europe and Asia.  This is the story of how 338,000 Allied Troops on June 4, 1940 escaped the beaches of Dunkirk on the coast of France.  Cue the song White Cliffs of Dover.  This particular battle left, as I said, a large number of soldiers vulnerable to airstrikes by the Germans.  You can’t hide from an airstrike if you can’t find a space that’s not exposed while you’re waiting in a huge queue and the only way you’re getting out is to sneak onto the first available transport out of Dodge.   In this case, even if you could find somewhere to hide, it may have included swimming to the nearest  local fisherman’s trawler, pleasure boat, or even a dinghy.  Many, many, many lives were lost and it almost seemed like an open and shut situation had it not been for the talent and in a few cases, pure dumb luck, of the fighters who staved off the attacks by German Luftwaffe.  They used the beached troops as target practice, almost like shooting ducks in a barrel. 

Tension abounds, even though we know the outcome.  There’s a lot of explosions, near death situations, and extremely close calls.  Standout performances by Cillian Murphy, Tom Hardy, and Mark Rylance.  Yes, I know I’m supposed to applaud Kenneth Branagh, but he mostly stood around in full-tilt military garb, not much to react to, really.  So, overall, if you’re a history buff, a veteran of WWII, or just like to watch war films in general…here you go.  I’m sure you’ll be more than satisfied.  My rating:  a lovely case of PTSD, a wooden boat my brother would give his right elbow for, the last remains of innocence for any of the men and women who gave their lives to keep the world free from tyranny, i.e. 3.2 stars.     

Get Out!

The film is billed as horror/mystery and rightly so.  It’s sort of one of those cases where you have to wait for the other shoe to drop before you start sweating and developing a feeling of “wait, what? Oh hell no!”   From the get-go, if you have a significant other who invites you to meet the folks for the very first time and you have any apprehension about it, wait for that feeling to dissipate before you agree to go.  Also, do a thorough background check before getting inextricably involved with that significant other.  It may sound unromantic, and yes, it is, but these days you can’t be too careful.  That being said, the premise of this film would be a total spoiler should I give you more details than this.  Think with your head, not your heart.  I do want to commend all of the actors in this film, especially Allison Williams and Daniel Kaluuya as Rose and Chris, if I didn’t believe they were a couple, you would have lost me in the first 10 minutes.  That, my friends, is the kiss of death.  My recommendation would be to rent it, watch it during the day and not alone.  Rating:  3.75 stars.