Spanish Roses Have Thorns, Too!

Pirates of the Caribbean – On Stranger Tides

The fourth installment of this transformed Disney ride goes even farther than the other side of the world. Jack is back, Barbossa returns, and Jacks first mate – Gibbs, start out on a new adventure. My favorite fantasy creatures (I’ll give you a hint---they’re not named Ariel, but they’ve got a lot in common with her) are on hand and there are new characters stirring up the waters, both oceanic and emotionally. You may not have thought Cap’n Jack had much of a heart for anything other than gold, rum, and the Black Pearl (considering his treatment of women---pirates aren’t exactly known for their sensitivity), but we get to see a bit more of the man than the character this time. Ian McShane & Penelope Cruz are new additions. There’s definitely an opportunity to keep the franchise going forward and we’ll see what Disney & Bruckheimer have in mind to churn up the bright blue waters of the Caribbean. By the way, I viewed this in 3-D, a usual no-no for moi and I didn’t get even slightly seasick. Rating: 3.25 pieces of eight, arrrrh!

Thor (He-Man of the Universe--yeah baby)

Eight bazillion years ago in a galaxy, far, far away, the myths of the Norsepeople were born, or so we’re to believe. Chris Hemsworth is the new Marvel action hero. He’s picked up the gauntlet, or in this case, a really, really, really big hammer from Schwarzenegger, Reeves, Stallone, Ferrigno, and anyone else who’s built like a brick. Twists and turns and up and down the shoot from the land of Odin to New Mexico. Reminiscent of a bunch of sci-fi/fantasy films and screams sequel, almost from the moment we see Chris as super hunky Thor. Supporting cast, Natalie Portman, Kat Denning, Stellan Skarsgard, Anthony Hopkins, and Rene Russo, superb. Tom Hiddleston as Loki – absolutely spot on. I can see him down the road playing Johnny Weir in a bio-pic. Wonder if he can skate? No matter, he looks like la Weir’s brother, if he had one. No Queen soundtrack like Flash Gordon, not as cheesy, but will be a great double feature in the future. Rating: It’s hammer time – 3.2 strikes

Want To See Me Pull Le Lapin Out Of My Chapeau?

The Illusionist (2010)
Directed by Sylvain Chomet (Triplets of Belleville), we have a masterpiece of animated sleight of hand and heart based on a script by famed French director, Jacques Tati. Tatischeff is The Illusionist whom we meet performing his feats before motley groups of old ladies and children. He never makes it to the States and Ed Sullivan, although his skills are astounding. After he’s summarily replaced by an English rock and roll band (semi-reminiscent of The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, etcetera) our “hero” travels to Scotland where his talents make a large and effective impression on a girl named Alice. The relationship is bittersweet and overlooks their lives like the moors outside of Edinburgh. There is very little dialogue or decipherable language used throughout the film. More is said in gestures and expressions than ongoing monologues and conversations. This is an animated dramedy about relationships. It’s not computer generated, but simple and elegant at the same time and deserves more than a quick look. Rating: Une, Deux, Trois Stars

How Much Is That Elephant In The Window?

Water For Elephants
I read the book and was totally excited when I heard it was being transformed for film. The characters and story are a broad sketch of the book. The actors, most notably Messrs. Pattinson, Waltz, and Ms. Witherspoon receive my vote of confidence for pulling off a great star attraction. There may be a sucker born every minute, but I totally loved my evening at the circus. The attention to detail is amazing...kudo's to Jack Fisk. If this doesn't win Oscars for costume, set design, cinematography next year, I'd be doubly amazed. Rosie (Tai) is the world's smartest elephant and deserves an award for her performance. This isn't a real live version of "Dumbo" so it's not for the kids. If you love animals and have issues with animal cruelty, then this isn't the film for you, but realize, of course, it's acting. It's based on a real event, by the way. Rating: 4 Stars

HOP

A long, long time ago, about 56 years to be exact, this writer remembers waking up on Easter morning and going into the living room to find a basket full of chocolate, jelly beans, marshmallow eggs that turned your mouth blue, hot pink, purple, orange, red, green or yellow, and a molded bunny that looked suspiciously like Peter Rabbit. Besides feeling like I’d immediately developed juvenile diabetes after eating most of the marshmallow eggs, it was one of my favorite holidays. My sister and I would get dressed up in our new duds which included white gloves, a hat, and patent leather mary janes, go to church and then head home to a dinner or to a relative’s house in Sedro Woolley for an Easter Egg hunt with my cousins, a whole bunch of cousins. HOP brought back those memories in full force.

Our hero, E.B. (voiced by Russell Brand), is the son of the Easter Bunny and he has different ideas about his destiny, fame and fortune (cue the song “Bang On The Drum” by Todd Rundgren) instead of taking over the family business, you know, one night a year the Easter Bunny flies around the world delivering Easter eggs to all the children of the world, but he’s got chick power instead of reindeer. E.B. takes a powder from his responsibilities and heads to Hollywood to fulfill his dreams. In the path of his pursuit is one Fred O’Hare (James Marsden), his human counterpart. Fred has been out of work for a year, living at home with his folks and sisters…everyone is fed up and he’s sent packing to, of course, Beverly Hills. What ensues is funny, extremely colorful, and surprisingly, a satisfying comedy for both children and adults. Kids under the age of about 8, might not get the jokes and the “potty” humor is a bit twisted, but it’s well worth the time spent and you’ll never look at a jelly bean the same again. Rating 3 stars

Tangled up in purple, oh my, what big eyes you have

Tomorrow Tangled will be available in every format known to man, woman, beast, or child. I finally got to see this "soon to be a Disney classic" at the Crest $3 Cinema on a Saturday afternoon with a full house of kids and parents. It's a combination of Beauty & The Beast, The Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and anything else with a princess, magical powers, wicked witch-like step-mom (foster mother by kidnapping), greedy thugs, and a handsome prince to save the day, the princess, whatever...oh, and don't forget the animal side-kick. Songs abound, evil is ever present, and the princess is clueless. She has a lot of hair, the "prince" is a thief ala Aladdinesque and the mighty steed is a force to be reckoned with on it's own. The horse isn't exactly on our "hero's" side either. Anyhow, you know the basic fairytale, Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair, the guy climbs up and he's supposed to save her. Twist this around, a lot, add music, and make every one of the female characters have eyes the size of saucers. That was, surprisingly, the only thing that I found rather unnerving. Every one of the females have "Bambi-eyes" and small facial features in comparison. It's not as bad as watching a Keane painting from the 60's come to life, but close. Anyway, sorry to put that image into your heads, but couldn't help it. I liked this film just because I like animated musicals, always have, always will, it's part of my upbringing. Disney doesn't let you down here and the kids will love it, but more, teens and adults. Rating: 3 stars

In the past, I’ve been able to update my personal webspace through Verizon. Now that everything’s been turned upside-down and I have Frontier Communications running the show, my web space has been seriously compromised. So, I’m going back to sending an email for now and working on tweaking the site. I have posted to FB notes, but not everyone has a Facebook account, so that sort of limits me. I know there are ton more people out there I wanted to send to, but my distribution list is in need of updating as well.

The Social Network

Boys, boys, boys…you’re both pretty, stop fighting and everyone will come out happy in the end, right? This was an extremely interesting film in the sense that it gives a view of what can happen when a guy’s libido, anger, and technological expertise takes over. Geeks make good, really good, but not without stepping on toes because of their insensitivity to the social mores that most people are taught growing up. Oh the irony.

Mark Zuckerberg is 25 years old now and the youngest billionaire in the United States. Pretty good accomplishment when you figure this all stemmed from a way to get back at his ex-girlfriend. He’s made the cover of “Time”, haven’t seen him on “Rolling Stone” yet, but I expect to in the not too distant future. He’s been on Saturday Night Live (don’t quit your day job Mark, you’re not good at delivering lines).

Jesse Eisenberg is having his year and becoming as much of a phenomenon as little sister, Hallie, did when she started doing Pepsi commercials in the 90’s. He plays “nerd-squared” perfectly. The supporting cast is great---they have their fingers on the pulse of their generation and are headed to the “clouds”, computing-wise that is. Cheers to Armie Hammer, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake and the entire student body of Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, Yale, and Brown. Who knew that sex and drugs and getting up in everybody’s grille would result in the behemoth that became Facebook. Rating: 51 minutes ago · 3 ·Like Unlike · · Share

Toy Story 3

It’s been a long time since I spent a morning at a movie preview with my niece and hundreds of children and their parents at a now defunct theater in SouthCenter. That morning was a sneak peek at what has turned out to be an integral part of growing up for those kids. It was also a new way of looking at animation and story development for this writer, sort of like the Star Wars for cartoons. Everything got bumped up to a new level of expectation. Well, let me tell you, you’d be a fool to miss this exciting, funny, and brilliant close to a story about friendship and family. Andy has grown up and is going to college…his old toys are in a state of apprehension about what will become of them and several of the old “pals” have been donated or sold. His Christmas puppy has turned into a dog that reminded me of a friend’s dachshund, Cleo, who got too overweight and needed a skateboard under her middle to get around. Woody, Jessie, Bullet, Hamm, Slinky Dog, Rex, the Potato-heads, the Squeaky Aliens, and of course, Buzz are all in for an adventure that you won’t forget. Barbie and Ken are 80’s kitsch to the max—dreamy. Cinerama was the perfect venue for a first time viewing and after seeing it once, I’m ready to go again. So much to take in, action, romance, tango dancing, dumpster diving, it was an infinitely satisfying way complete the Toys’ circle of life. Rating 4 stars to infinity and beyond.

Inception

I’ll see you in my dreams, or I hope not. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anyone mucking around in my subconscious. Dream invasion is the key here. This dream team plans down to the nanosecond what they need to do, whether it’s to steal secrets (of the corporate variety) or in this case plant an idea which will result in a very profitable outcome for a Japanese businessman. This is a “matrix-like” film, substitute Leonardo di Caprio for a combination of Keanu Reeves and Laurence Fishburne, Ellen Page and Marion Cotillard for Jada Pinkett and Cari Ann Moss and for Hugo Weaving, equally nasty subconscious thugs. The story can be very confusing, but then again, so can dreams. Definitely a film for special FX aficionados. The wake-up music is ironic in that you hear a lot of Edith Piaf (a role made memorable by Ms. Cotillard). It will definitely start the room talking once you’ve seen it the first time and it’s a film that makes you want to, no, need to see it again. I’ve never been good at writing down what I dream and don’t recall if I dream in color or black and white…I know this was filmed in color, but were the dream sequences filmed in black and white, or did I just dream that? Rating: 4 stars

The King's Speech

Try to say this five times really fast: She Sells Seashells By The Seashore. Not so difficult for some of us, eh? Now try it with a stutter and stage fright. What an absolute delight to the start of my Oscar film watching with this gem. Not knowing that much about King George VI aka "Bertie" (by family members only), but having friends and colleagues who have dealt with all number of public speaking challenges, I could certainly relate to the daunting ordeal that is expected of the British monarchy. Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham Carter give outstanding reflections of the people they portray. Were it up to me to hand out the little golden men, Colin Firth would definitely be among the first to receive one for Best Actor in a Leading Role. He's brilliantly cast. There's humor, tongue twisters, a peek at the Royals as just people like anyone else, and how they view themselves apart from the rest of the world. Fascinating and highly recommended. One word of warning, the language used in the film is, at times, offensive, but necessary to the story. Rating: 4 stars.

True Grit

All things considered, the Coen Brothers have come up with a version of this classic that does justice to all the actors in the original and from what I’m told, cottons closely to the novel. A young girl with a determined sense of what’s right and what’s wrong, heads out to find her father’s murderer and avenge his death. She proves to be a handful when negotiating a contract with the most likely Federal Marshall to help her accomplish this task. She hires, much to his chagrin, one rip-snortin’ heavy drinking son-of-a-biscuit, one-eyed mule-headed pistol packin’ Reuben “Rooster” Cogburn. Inadvertently helping this matter in the name of justice, is Texas Ranger La Beouf (pronounced like the meat) who has an issue with said murderer. We have Jeff Bridges, Haillee Steinfield, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, and Barry Pepper in the roles originally made famous by John “The Duke” Wayne, Kim Darby, Glen Campbell, Jeff Corey, and Robert Duvall. I highly recommend you see the original 1969 version and compare. The dialogue is pretty much the same up until the last 10 minutes or so. Brilliantly cast, using a sense of humor, danger, and the way of the Old West, I rate this film 3.7 Stars

The Black Swan

Natalie Portman is going to take the “Best Actress” award this year. That’s not a good guess, it’s just a fact. Her character (Nina) is a tour de force of weird stemming from what seems to be a clear cut case of schizophrenia. We have no clue if she’s a victim of child abuse or just so mentally effed up and practicing to be the perfect little ballerina princess, that her efforts to hide her OCD and hallucinations are anything more than dreams…(I think the cast of Inception should have done an intervention in this film). The music, dancing, supporting cast (Mila Kunis, Barbara Hershey, Wynona Ryder, and Vincent Cassel), because anyone other than Natalie is supporting, is superb. It’s frightening and bouncy all at the same time to a soundtrack that I’m sure Tchaikovsky would have loved, besides the fact that a few of the selections are from Swan Lake. This definitely didn’t lay an egg, but I don’t think I could watch it more than once. Rating: 3.25 stars

Winter’s Bone

“Well somewhere in the black mining hills of Dakota lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon”…or so the song begins. This takes place in the Ozarks of Missouri and concerns the life of a 17 year old girl who’s taking care of her family (a nearly comatose mother, and much younger brother and sister) because of the absence of her father who’s jumped bail and “gone away”. Rees (Jennifer Lawrence) is left with the daunting task of locating her father against all odds in time to save the family from being kicked to the curb as her daddy decided to put the farm up as collateral. In times past, her daddy’s business would have been making and selling ‘shine, that’s changed over the past 30 years and now it’s Crystal and the locals don’t cotton to anyone invading their privacy whether you’re the law or one of their own. Rees is in a peck of trouble and has to endure the wrath of just about everybody she knows. This is not a film for the squeamish, especially not if you’re a vegetarian and like cuddly little squirrels and Bambi. John Hawkes and Jennifer Lawrence are every bit as deserving of their nominations as more well known actors. When the world finally reaches a point where everyone has to fend for themselves, these are the people who’ll survive. Rating: 3.75 stars

The Fighter

Moving farther east to the town of Lowell, Massachusetts, we meet two brothers, Dicky Eklund and Micky Ward. Dicky taught his little brother everything he knew about fighting and then took a powder on his life, landing in prison and smoking crack, not exactly in that order. What a lovely way to help someone to the top of their game. Add to this, one extremely overbearing mother/manager, 7 or 8 sistahs, each one a chip off the old mom-block, and you’ve got the makin’s of the next welter-weight champion of the world. Set in the ‘80s, Dicky and Micky are living the life…Dicky’s living the effed up life and Micky’s just trying to get his act together so his daughter can come stay with him. Based on a true story, Christian Bale is Dicky…banty rooster thin with an attitude that goes for days and Mark Wahlberg is Micky…bustin’ a move in the ring and looking every bit the Calvin Klein underwear model when he was known as Marky Mark. Amy Adams is Charlene, Micky’s girlfriend. If you thought Micky was bad-ass, you ain’t seen nothing until you see her defend herself, both physically and verbally…she’s a pistol. This happy family never made the cover of Life or McCalls magazine, but Micky’s victories are a part of history and the film captures the feel of the era. Melissa Leo is over the top, but so is Micky’s mom, so she’s perfect. Rating: 3 stahs

The Kid’s Are Alright

Nic and Jules have two children, one each with a donor and a couple of years apart. The oldest, Nic’s daughter Joni, is turning 18 and the youngest, Jules’ son Laser, is hoping that she’ll grant him a favor before she leaves for college…he wants to meet his donor dad. Being underage, he can’t do that and nobody wants to tell their moms what they have planned. Enter “Dad”, a successful restaurant owner in the greater L.A. area, womanizer, and all around dork. Not what you call a great role model for helping your child focus on their future. What ensues is trying to be mature adults in a situation that any married couple (same sex or otherwise) would find less than comfortable. Mark Ruffalo adds just the right amount of “Duf to Dufus”, Annette Bening and Juilanne Moore are Nic and Jules, the concerned parents and play well off of each other. The kid’s really are alright here, but it’s the adults who have issues. This is a dramedy, definitely R-rated and worth the watch. Rating: 3 stars

127 Hours – Sorry, I didn’t see this film, and I don’t plan on watching James Franco cut off his arm with a penknife. I’ll just enjoy his hosting efforts with Anne Hathaway on the show Sunday night. I’m sure it’s a lovely film, but I’d rather watch water drip from a faucet for 24 hours.

In addition to Best Picture nominations I’m including a couple of notable nominees.

Exit Through the Gift Shop

If you don’t watch another film from this year’s nominees, I beg of you to rent, borrow, steal, download, whatever you have to do and see this documentary. In a nutshell this is the story of how a French man who’s obsessed with documenting life with a camcorder gets the tables turned on him when he stumbles on the fact that his cousin is a well known street artist named PacMan in Paris. He’s exposed to the kamikaze way this art is produced and exhibited and in the process, introduced to the infamous Banksy. He thinks he’s doing a film about Banksy, however, he’s really the main event and Banksy is making the film about him. There isn’t one second of this extraordinary look at life after dark that didn’t make me want to get on a plane and see the work up close and personal. Rhys Ifans is the narrator with input from Banksy, himself. It’s going to be a very interesting evening if this film wins best documentary. Banksy has never revealed his true identity and he’s not about to now, so watch the film, watch the extras, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Rating: 4 stenciled stars

How To Train Your Dragon

Holy Odin, Dreamworks has hit the nail on the head this time with a wonderful story about a boy and his dragon. Hiccup (Jay Baruchel) is our reluctant hero, son of the Viking Chief, Stoick (Gerard Butler), and local inventive nerd. He’s sort of an absent-minded professor type in the making who would like nothing more than to be left out of the mandatory dragon defense training requirements of his village. Alas and alack, that’s impossible, because if he was left alone, there wouldn’t be a story. This is sort of a mish mash of Avatar, The Black Stallion, Eragon, but much more “kid friendly” because it’s Disneyfied, as in dragons are a lot like cuddly aliens who make their home in Hawaii. The local teenagers are as dorky as Hiccup, except for Astrid, who is the kick-ass Scandinavian version of Mulan. That, in a way, is sort of strange, because she’s voiced by none other than “Ugly Betty Suarez” herself, America Ferrera. There’s plenty of action, great animation with special effects. The dialogue doesn’t suck and it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome and outlast the attention-span of most 5 to 10 year-olds. My only gripe would be is that red-headed Vikings are from Scandinavia, so will someone please tell me why it’s impossible for people who produce these films to stick to the correct accent group? Iffen yor naught goonna spak with a Norwegian accent or an “merican” one like the kids do in the film, then why screw with the minds of children who have yet to learn history, even if the story is myth and fantasy? I can just hear some 3^rd grader piping up to their teacher that the Vikings came from Glasgow and wore kilts and had funkier names than Ole, Sven, Gunnars, and Erik. Uff da. Rating: 2.98 stars