Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle

Before this was released nationwide, I, personally, had some trepidations about how this would transition from a movie about a board game come to life to something that the future generations would relate to since everyone has their noses buried deep in their phones.  Robin Williams, of course, wouldn’t be a part of this reboot, and the humor has been shifted to more mature themes.  Still, we’re talking about high schoolers who have to deal with some very dangerous situations.  Although you may not recognize some of the actors, if I told you that “the girl” is Nebula from Guardians of the Galaxy I and II and Amy from Doctor Who, does that help?  Nice to see her, Karen Gillan, not bald and with much less make-up.  Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Kevin Hart, and Jack Black round out the players and we have some references to Alan Parrish (rest in peace Robin), VanPelt, and instead of moving around the board, well, you’ll just have to check it out.  There are some elements that seem a bit reminiscent of The Hunger Games, but with a lot more tongue-in-cheekiness.  If I was a game designer and you told me this is what you wanted the results to be, I could totally understand that, but I’d also give the characters a chance to start over, different ways to get from point A to point B and so on and so on.  Overall, much, much, much better than I could have imagined and, although I’m not huge Guns and Roses fan, Axl Rose singing Welcome To The Jungle is the perfect cherry on top of this exploding cake of a film.  Rating:  hippos and jaguars and crocodiles, oh my, pecs that could crush walnuts, a mix tape of songs of the ‘90’s—best line ever…why am I not Instagramming this right now?  (3.88 stars)

Thor: Ragnarok

Trying to figure out how to write a review that encompasses the film Thor:  Ragnarok as a drinking game.  Key words:  Loki, Asgaard (or a reasonable facsimile of), Son of Odin, Thor, God of Thunder (or a reasonable facsimile of)/Hela, Goddess of Death, and Hulk Smash, Valkyrie, Grandmaster, and Melty Stick.  Everything works and sets the ground work for the next episode…these are plain and simple comic books come to life.  There’s snarky dialogue, over the top fights, sparks fly and depending on how you look at it, that’s a good thing.  If I had to pick my favorite Marvel Comics hero, my Norwegian ancestry points me in the direction of Thor Odinson, God of Thunder.  Chris Hemsworth is the ideal choice.  He’s epitomizes the Norse god to a “T”, hair, bod for battle, non-descript age, beyond belief chutzpah, only thing that’s always seemed funny to me is the accents.  None are even close to Scandinavian or even hint in that direction, but that’s just me…I was the same way with the How to Train Your Dragon films.  This is the most un-bloody (except for a spontaneous bit with the Grandmaster involving his cousin) fun, gotta kill them all film that kept me entertained pretty much throughout.  At the very least it was good enough to make me want to see it more than once or twice and learn all the lines, which, after about a dozen more times, I’ll be able to quote similar to Rocky Horror, unless, of course, the drinking game is pursued and I’ll get as smashed as Valkyrie.  Also, keep an eye out for Matt Damon, who makes a cameo and it’s really funny (but only if you’ve seen the film Dogma).  The soundtrack kicks butt, just like this unlikely group of heroes.  Rating:  an everlasting fire, holograms for days, not “get help” again, where’d you get that haircut? aka 3.87 stars